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‘Darlene,’ she said softly. My break up with Darlene had indeed been a difficult one as well. She had been the first girl I’d really cared about, but strangely enough, it was I who wasn’t yet ready to have sexual relations beyond the a-typical petting and fondling which we had done together. She wanted more, not just the sex, but a commitment of sorts towards the future as well, which was something I wasn’t totally sure I wanted to share with her. ‘Go figure,’ I answered finally sitting down on the edge of the bed next to where Kathy was now sitting. ‘Pretty ironic isn’t it?’ she said trying to smile. ‘Very,’ I admitted, though Kathy had no clue that I knew how truly ironic all this really was. ‘Did you love him?’ I asked. She actually laughed at that. ‘No, I didn’t. Though I tried to convince myself that I did…or eventually would at least.’ ‘Ok, so why are you so upset then?’ I found myself asking. ‘Obviously you didn’t have sex with him, so no harm, no foul. And I can understand. Are you comfortable?" Ididn't move a muscle because I didn't want to make my Dad mad. "It'sokay son. We talked about it and have decided that if you really need todo this, then you should allow us to help you. Julie is at Grandma'sthis weekend, and you look so nice, maybe we should go out to dinner orsomething."So it was. As Janet Lynn, I made my very first outing as a girl. We wentto a family restaurant for dinner where I saw some of my classmates, butthey didn't recognize me dressed as I was. I was filled with emotionsranging from elation to terror, frustration to glee. I ate my dinnerquietly, and neither Dad nor Mom made a fuss about how I was dressed.Back at home I went to my room to once again look in the mirror so Icould see the girl that haunted my dreams and had always wanted out.From that day on, no mention was made of my desires, but occasionally,as I got older, I would find a new outfit on my bed. By the time Ireached the age of 14 I was adept at getting myself dressed,.
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